a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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