operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
