Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
