Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
