Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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