i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
