so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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