she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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