If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
