gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
