Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
