You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
