Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
