My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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