this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
