my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
