I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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