i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
