On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
even my farts smell like vagina
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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