Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
