Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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