So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
