i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
