i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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