If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
