I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
