3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
