i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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