my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
