just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
