Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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