I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we're making bets on your personal life
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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