i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
