I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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