I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
