Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just found puke in my bra..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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