you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
