I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The uberlube is also flammable
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
