My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
