I wish I could teleport
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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