Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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