it hurts more in the daytime
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
