I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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