i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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