i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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