Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
