Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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