I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
