Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
