What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
