it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
